“I’m Not Feeling Well!”

Depression SUCKS! It’s like being trapped in a small deep dark hole, where the walls are squashed together and there is no light. You feel suffocated, alone and feel like nobody cares. You feel useless and lifeless, like you have no purpose and you’re slowly wasting away into a whole lot of nothingness. Nobody understands the mental pain you are suffering through but you. People call you moody, or aggressive, lazy or selfish.  It’s horrible and it sucks!  I can tell you hands down that this is what I felt like less than a year ago and it was the worst experience of my life( however ironically it was also the best experience in my life, but I’ll tell you about that another time).

Sometimes when I’m not careful, these thoughts sneak into my brain and start to haunt me all over again. If you know me, most of the time when this starts to happen I usually say that “I’m not feeling too great” or “I’m ill” or something along those lines.  However, more than often people will quickly assume and say things like “There’s nothing wrong with you, you look perfectly fine to me” or “You couldn’t possibly be ill, you were tweeting the other day.” (Yup, apparently you can't tweet if you're ill?)

But my dear friends, there are many different types of being ill, and my definition of being ill may possibly be slightly different to yours. It is when scary thoughts like the following occur in my brain, “You’re not good enough, just go sit down and do nothing” or “Don’t even bother trying, you’re going to fail anyway” or “Nobody cares what you do so just stop, just stop everything and don't even bother” this is my definition of being ill, when I start to obey the orders of my thoughts like these and therefore I become ill.  

Now, you may be wondering why I feel like this when I’m always promoting happiness. The first thing I want to say is, yes I do promote being optimistic and I still believe that happiness is the cure to pretty much all things bad, therefore the reason why I’m telling you this is to show awareness for what being not-so-happy does to you.

Secondly I'm a working progress. I have improved so much throughout the year and I wish to help everybody else become happier as well, the ill feeling I am currently having is NOTHING compared to what I was feeling last year; but it is only specks of it here and there that I have still yet to remove from my system.

 I do not wish to go back to where and who I was and this is what I am going it do about it:

Every morning, I’m going to list every single thing that I am blessed and grateful for.

I will always smile.

If the “ill” thoughts start popping up, I will eliminate them by doing the opposite of what they tell me to do.

I will not be afraid.

I will go outside and not hide from the world when I’m feeling sad.

I will talk to people who I think will help me feel better and guide me to the “happy path”. 

Also if we interact online or offline and you can see that I’m having an “ill” day,  it would be awesome if you could help me out by encouraging me on staying on the happiness path because that’s what I need at the moment, encouraging words and motivation.  

Thank you so much for understanding and I'll hopefully be back pretty soon with a bang (not literally, so don't be scared!), more present and posting regularly once again. 

Peace and Love as always,

PS: If you’re going through anything like this and want to talk, please feel free to contact me, I’d love to help! :)

PPS: I'd love it if you'd give that "like" button above some love if you liked this post. Also please do share it and spread the knowledge!